re-adjustment
It's amazing that sometimes other people see in us what we cannot see in ourselves. Scary, too!
I spent the fall semester trying to keep up with everything. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I was quite the complainer. As much as I thought that I could keep up with everything expected of me, it just didn't work. I completed the programming required by me at work......but ended the semester with an office so messy that I literally would die if my boss had seen it. I lost patience with people in ways that would not normally be "me." I visited with Winston friends about once a week (HUGE sacrifice for me time-wise).......but wasn't able to really invest in some new Winston friendships that could have been deeper. I completed my assignments for my two grad classes....but some assignments were late, and so I didn't keep my straight A average. ("Come on, Brooke" you say? I know. But in grad school, B's are a big deal). It was just......Hard.
January didn't start out any better. Its my craziest month. I was (honestly) pretty unhappy. Grumpy, impatient, and weepy (at least with my family and close friends). I wasn't working out anymore (hellooooo, lack of endorphins), and gained even more weight. The financial burden of grad school resulted in having "no clothes" and "no fun." I wasn't spending time in reflection, wasn't getting time to think (as usual), and just going nuts. I was also getting behind at work - and when that happens, I flip out. It felt like 10 guns were pointed at me at all times. Oh, and to top it all off? Getting a boot on my car at UNC-G. Yep.
So......last Thursday, right after getting the boot removed (which involved a blessing, actually, but that's a different story), I hit the road for Pennsylvania to visit my dad for the weekend. The night before, and then again while driving, I cried to my mom about everything in my life. She gave me amazing advice. I then took the rest of the drive to reflect on my life and all of the different components of stress. When I arrived to Pennsylvania, my dad took me to an awesome dinner and he gave me his perception on my life.
It was uncanny how my parents (who are divorced and rarely see each other) had almost identical observations about my life. I was shocked at how NOT well I had hidden my stress, ha. Yikes. And.....they KNEW me. They could see where I was emotionally, and even where those emotions were headed. Hard to hear, but apparently much needed. My talks with each of them, combined with a weekend spent praying and reflecting while driving, resulted in a huge conclusion.....Re-Adjustment is needed.
I probably will not write about each step of this process on my blog, but I can tell you what the goal is! Peace. Joy. More "winsome." Less bitterness.
Adjustments are needed. There are some things outside my control, and some that are literally right in my grasp to change. I'm working on those things that I can do. (And believe me, I am NOT good at readjusting myself). I'm praying for the rest! And I am going to try to affect my daily thinking so that I view life in a more positive light. Its interested how blogging is sometimes a diary. I re-read things sometimes, just to see what I was thinking in the past. So you will see that I am going to start listing a favorite moment of the day entry. At least for as many days as I can remember to do so!
Ok, feel free to stop reading. But this is my favorite moment of February 1, 2011: Feeling like I was "needed" in a staff meeting today. Isn't the desire to feel "needed" such a huge womanly desire? It can make all of the difference for me in the tone of my day. I thrive with positive reinforcement, and with affirmation that I am "needed" and able to contribute.
I spent the fall semester trying to keep up with everything. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I was quite the complainer. As much as I thought that I could keep up with everything expected of me, it just didn't work. I completed the programming required by me at work......but ended the semester with an office so messy that I literally would die if my boss had seen it. I lost patience with people in ways that would not normally be "me." I visited with Winston friends about once a week (HUGE sacrifice for me time-wise).......but wasn't able to really invest in some new Winston friendships that could have been deeper. I completed my assignments for my two grad classes....but some assignments were late, and so I didn't keep my straight A average. ("Come on, Brooke" you say? I know. But in grad school, B's are a big deal). It was just......Hard.
January didn't start out any better. Its my craziest month. I was (honestly) pretty unhappy. Grumpy, impatient, and weepy (at least with my family and close friends). I wasn't working out anymore (hellooooo, lack of endorphins), and gained even more weight. The financial burden of grad school resulted in having "no clothes" and "no fun." I wasn't spending time in reflection, wasn't getting time to think (as usual), and just going nuts. I was also getting behind at work - and when that happens, I flip out. It felt like 10 guns were pointed at me at all times. Oh, and to top it all off? Getting a boot on my car at UNC-G. Yep.
So......last Thursday, right after getting the boot removed (which involved a blessing, actually, but that's a different story), I hit the road for Pennsylvania to visit my dad for the weekend. The night before, and then again while driving, I cried to my mom about everything in my life. She gave me amazing advice. I then took the rest of the drive to reflect on my life and all of the different components of stress. When I arrived to Pennsylvania, my dad took me to an awesome dinner and he gave me his perception on my life.
It was uncanny how my parents (who are divorced and rarely see each other) had almost identical observations about my life. I was shocked at how NOT well I had hidden my stress, ha. Yikes. And.....they KNEW me. They could see where I was emotionally, and even where those emotions were headed. Hard to hear, but apparently much needed. My talks with each of them, combined with a weekend spent praying and reflecting while driving, resulted in a huge conclusion.....Re-Adjustment is needed.
I probably will not write about each step of this process on my blog, but I can tell you what the goal is! Peace. Joy. More "winsome." Less bitterness.
Adjustments are needed. There are some things outside my control, and some that are literally right in my grasp to change. I'm working on those things that I can do. (And believe me, I am NOT good at readjusting myself). I'm praying for the rest! And I am going to try to affect my daily thinking so that I view life in a more positive light. Its interested how blogging is sometimes a diary. I re-read things sometimes, just to see what I was thinking in the past. So you will see that I am going to start listing a favorite moment of the day entry. At least for as many days as I can remember to do so!
Ok, feel free to stop reading. But this is my favorite moment of February 1, 2011: Feeling like I was "needed" in a staff meeting today. Isn't the desire to feel "needed" such a huge womanly desire? It can make all of the difference for me in the tone of my day. I thrive with positive reinforcement, and with affirmation that I am "needed" and able to contribute.
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