Satisfied

I had not picked out a mantra for 2012, and I certainly haven't had the time to think about new years resolutions this year.  And, since it is almost May, I'm going to go ahead and call that one a lost cause.

Yet, without planning it, the word SATISFIED seems to keep coming up for me this year. It began when I attended church with a friend of mine in January, and they were having a "blessings" service. Older persons in the church prayed with each person individually, asking God for specific blessings on the individual for the new year.  Jenn had shared with me her blessings story from the previous year, and remarked at how the Holy Spirit truly gave the laymen the words for her - words that fit her life perfectly at that time.  I was excited to experience this prayer of blessing! I LOVE to see the Holy Spirit work. I entered the service feeling low. My grandfather had just passed away, work was crazy, and once again, I was D-O-N-E with being single. The sweet couple who prayed for me didn't pray for very long, but it moved me to tears. I will not ever forget it. "Heavenly Father, please help Brooke to know that you have a bright future for her, and may she be so satisfied in your love, that she can be ready for the future that you have for her."  I smiled, fought back tears, and thanked them. Oh my goodness, I don't know why I am ever surprised at the fact that God knows every bit about me, and also knows what I need to hear!  SATISFIED. Was I satisfied (really satisfied) in God's love? Was I recognizing that His love is enough for me? That would be a resounding no.

About a month ago, I found two iTunes gift cards lying around. SCORE. I went online and purchased an album that I had been wanting  for TWO YEARS.  Y'all, it is amazing. If you are a fan of Christian music, and if you can handle "soft rock" music....buy it. Buy it now.  Every song is amazing in both lyrics and music....which, let's face it, is rare these days.

I have listened to the ENTIRE ALBUM like 20 times in my car in the last month. I am not joking. Each week I have a different favorite song. But the one that stands out the most to me, and the one that I have needed the most is this:

You have called me out of shadows,

Out of darkness and into light. 

Hemmed in by the hands of mercy, 

I'm completely satisfied 

To be Yours. I am Yours. I am Yours. 

(Bethany Dillon, "I am Yours," 2009) 

So, I am working on it, this being SATISFIED thing. Because you know what? It's hard. In the singleness area. I love everything about my life except that part. You know what I haven't figured out, yet? How to be okay with coming home alone every night.  How am I supposed to be okay with that? But....I'm working on it. Do I get royally pissed that tons of even LESS satisfied women around me get married left and right? You bet I do. But I guess my relationship with my Savior is not about my sense of entitlement. It is about Him loving me. It is about HIS redemptive work on this earth and in my heart.  And honestly, there is a deep need that no man will ever fill in my life. It is a hole that only He can satisfy. Sooo....I will work on being satisfied. Every day.  And I will imagine Him smiling down at me and saying "I could not love you more."